God's Challenge to the Introvert

If you are like me, you value your alone time. Though I am not naturally an introvert, I do often find myself enjoying time alone over time with others. That’s not a knock to any of my friends, it’s just the way I am. I imagine most people have been glad to be alone at least once. And that is ok. Alone time is great, even encouraged. In the Gospels, we see Jesus alone a lot. But a love of alone time doesn’t come without dangers.

Alone time can be addicting. We are built for community and companionship, but other people can be exhausting. After spending the day at work or in class with people and professors that constantly want or need something from you, and then having to deal with slow, seemingly self-centered people at the grocery store, and then having to drive (you’re not even safe in your car!) on the same streets as others who seem to think their time is more valuable than yours, all you want to do is be alone. And even your spouse or parents or roommate doesn’t help when they also demand your attention and interaction. You need you time.

The problem is when we get alone time; we often have a hard time giving it up. Perhaps it is the activity we do when we are alone (like a video game, a book, Netflix, social media, whatever) that we can’t stop. Or perhaps it is the alone time itself that is so addicting. Certainly one’s own thoughts can sometimes be as entertaining as an episode of The Walking Dead (or 13 episodes…in a row). Whatever it is that keeps us coming back for more alone time, it is possible that it keeps us from fulfilling God’s purpose for us where we are.

I enjoy writing, and I often spend alone time writing for fun (as opposed to writing for school or work). And there is nothing wrong with that. Neither is there something wrong with video games or Netflix. But sometimes when I become really involved in what I am writing, when I have to stop and go do something else, my mind often stays at the keyboard. I have caught myself multiple times thinking about what I want to write next while a friend, or even my wife, is trying to have a conversation with me. Often when I am at work, trying to fulfill daily responsibilities, I find myself loosing focus to new blog ideas. The worst of it is when I find myself wanting to be at my computer more than I want to be with my wife or my friends.

A real, worrisome manifestation of my introverted side that has come up in recent years is busyness. That might sound strange, but it is easy for me to accomplish a lot and even see a lot of people in one day without really interacting with anyone. Sure, I have to come in contact with other people in order to perform tasks that work and school require of me, but those interactions are limited to, “Can I have…” “Thank you!” “Have a nice day!” or “I have this for you.” “You’re welcome!” “See ya later!” I can and probably have gotten through a whole week with just those types of empty interactions. 

If I am not careful, my love of alone time will rob me of my relationships with others. Sure, my wife will still be my wife and my friends will still be my friends (I have a great wife and really good friends), but I won’t really be engaged in life with them. I will merely be in proximity to them when I have to be.

I could also rob me of living the Christian life. If I’m so caught up in myself, it is hard to grow spiritually past what my own efforts can achieve (without the help of others). And it won’t be long before to me “Love your neighbor as yourself” will mean leaving everyone alone because that is what I want them to do for me.  

So how do you and I fight this?  

It’s simple. Hang out with others, particularly others who encourage you and energize you.

With the goal of holding on to the hope that is Jesus, the writer of Hebrews encourages his readers to be intentional with their relationships and to make an effort to spend time together.

Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another…”

It is weird to think of hanging out with friends as a discipline. But it is just that. Just as we have to learn to say, “no,” to hanging out when we have other, more important responsibilities (a lesson we all learn in school), we must also learn to say, “yes,” to hanging out with friends when it means deepening our community with them. And that takes effort.

We have to discipline ourselves to make time for others. Of course, there is a great need for time alone, especially time alone with God. But we must learn to moderate our time in order to open windows for community.

It is not easy to put ourselves aside for the sake of relationship. High divorce rates are a testament to that. But our spiritual maturity demands it. And even Jesus demands it. I find it very difficult to be the salt and light of the world (Matt. 5:13-16) when I am constantly removing myself from it.